FEUDALISM:
Your lord places two cows in your care, he allows you to keep some of
the milk.
SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else.
COMMUNISM;
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
about who has the most "ability" and who has the most
"need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the
cows drop dead of starvation.
COLLECTIVISM:
You had two cows. Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the
chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the
regulations say you should need.
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever
existed. Milk is banned.
FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both of them and
sells you the milk.
NAZISM:
You have two cows. The government shoots you, takes the cows and
feeds one to the army and the other to the police.
ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government bans you from keeping them on your
farmland, milking, or killing them.
BUREAUCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk
down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms to account for
the missing cows.
CAPITALISM;
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
UNIONISM;
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull; take out huge loan on the
cow, and ignore both the cow and the loan from that point on; then you
try to milk the bull, and blame the Japanese for its lack of production.
CLINTONSM;
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five
cows, and an SBA Grant for the purchase of two more.. The milk rights of
six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells
the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The
annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the special
prosecutor is on a witch-hunt.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS;
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a
symbol of the phallocentric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two
differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
non-specified gender.
HILLARY CLINTON'S BETTER IDEA;
Obviously, you as a Farmer, don't know what's best for you as an
individual, and more importantly for Society as a whole. Therefore, you
can't be trusted to make decisions concerning your own future (or Cattle
Futures either.) This being the case, The Government will decide to
centralize the cattle industry and run it in your best interests. Your
two cattle will be "purchased" from you (at the Government
determined fair market rate, less fees for shipping, handling, and of
course, taxes), and taken to a central, Government run compound for
proper dispensation. [See "Bureaucracy" above.] You will never
taste dairy products again, but at least you will get to buy USDA
Government Inspected beef (at a fair markup, of course), and you will be
relieved of all the headaches associated with trying to think for
yourself. Now isn't that a whole lot better?
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